Full Show Notes
And guess what?! You’re a liar too.
You don’t mean to though; it’s your resistance taking over.
In this episode, Tony explores what resistance really is. To figure out where this resistance comes from, we dig into the neuroscience behind decision making. Michael Gazzaniga, one of the leading researchers in the field of cognitive neuroscience has performed experiments that highlight what he calls an “interpreter module” in the brain that unifies our thoughts and experiences to build our internal narrative.
We all are only able to talk about our experience through this interpreter module. Our minds literally hold us captive to the narrative that our brain holds. This is made up of our experiences
How does this apply to client work? Well the bigger the transformation, the greater the resistance. And the Resistance will use our Interpreter to reinforce our existing narrative that has kept us stuck.
Like everything, there is a range of human behavior at play here. The most unhealthy clients will lash out at you, accusing you of scamming them, cheating them, or abusing them. The most healthy clients will pace themselves for the growth that they can withstand while managing their other work and life obligations. And you will experience countless examples in between those extremes.
The most important leadership skill you can have is to meet The Resistance with what we call the stance of strength. To wrap up this episode, Tony dives into what the stance os strength is and how to use it when client work gets tough.
Production for this episode is made possible by The Client Success System® For more information on the client fulfillment audits and to speak to one of our consultants, go to http://clientsuccesscall.com
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Guess what, your clients are lying to you and you’re a liar too. Want to know what we mean? Stay tuned.
Welcome to the Client Whisperer Show. I’m your host Tony Banta, and I am the Client Whisperer. I’ve spent over a decade running multiple six and seven figure client businesses and I’ve learned that the secret to success in a client business comes down to one thing. Leadership bad client behavior is the enemy. And with the right curriculum, infrastructure and mindset, you can lead your clients to great success and scale your business the easy way.
I’m so excited about this episode of the Client Whisperer Show, because we’re going to dig into something that isn’t often talked about and that is the resistance. We talked about this a little bit in, in our very first, uh, in our very second episode to be specific. We talked a little bit about how clients have resistance, resistance to the exactly the kind of growth that they’re asking. So they say that they want help, but inevitably there’s resistance to that help.
And we’re gonna explore a little bit about the roots of where that comes from today. There are two really great books. One we’ve talked about before, but we’ll, we’ll bring up a little bit of a refresher and a brand new one that’s going to dive into the neuroscience behind why clients lie. Because the resistance alone doesn’t make clients lie. But just like Dr. House says, if you remember that, that great TV show from the mid two thousands Dr. House, everyone’s a liar and every one of your clients are lying to you in some way at some level. And that’s true for us too. So that’s true for, for all of us, you listeners, and here’s what we mean.
Inevitably it gets to be a point where the transformation the clients are asking for, the help that they’re asking for, that you’re providing is comes into contact with the components, the things in their life, the habits, the patterns, the chemical makeup of the different ways that they interact. And this doesn’t matter. Again, whether you’re doing life coaching, where you’re tackling these kinds of things head on or you’re coaching them on ads or you’re even a service provider providing a service to them in the most, you know, in the most businessy business agency kind of a way and everything in between because the resistance doesn’t care. The mode in which you’re helping a client, the resistance just wants to safe the resistance is the lizard brain. We’ve talked about that before. It’s a great book by Steven Pressfield called The War of Art, which is amazing. Do the work is the shorter version we’ve talked.
Uh, we’ve, we’ve, we’ve shared that, uh, very briefly before there’s a link in the show notes. It’s a shorter version that he published with the help of Seth Goden great book. The resistance is that lizard brain that wants us to feel safe. So it doesn’t care about growth, it doesn’t care about our goals, it doesn’t care about any of those things. It just wants us to be well fed, to reproduce, and to feel safe while we do that. So how does that make clients lie? Well, clients lie because there is inevitably a part of them that doesn’t want the change that they’re asking for. There’s a reason why clients haven’t been successful in whenever you’re helping them with. There’s a reason that they haven’t been successful in that very work before now. And it’s rarely, especially for those of you who are service providers. It’s rarely just the service that you provide if you do done for you graphic design work, if you do, uh, if you do, uh, agency work, it’s rarely that the ads that are gonna run or the logo that you’re going to design that’s been preventing them from success.
That’s not to say that what you do isn’t incredibly valuable and that there’s not a lot of value produced, but their success or the barriers to their success are more complicated than that. And almost inevitably include a connection to their own resistance to the pieces that have kept them safe. But there’s another character in this play. There’s another character in this, this movie that’s going on in our minds and this comes courtesy of a neuro scientist and researcher and professor at the university of California, Berkeley, uh, named Michael Gazzaniga. Hopefully I got that right we’re actually working to get him on the show for an interview to, to share some of his work and he’s written a number of books around the different parts of the brain, the different voices in the brain and how they all work together. He originally did work on, on epilepsy patients where they actually had the, the Corpus colostrum.
I think that that’s correct. I think that I’m saying that right. Severed, which is the, the, the bundle of nerves that actually connects the two hemispheres of the brain. And he would do all of these experiments where he would cover one eye and he would show them a picture, um, just on, on, on one eye. And that part of the brain that corresponded to that eye actually can’t experience language so it would see the image, but it wouldn’t have any words for what that image was. And as he was doing these experiments, cause he, he iterated what he was, was doing. So he would see that they didn’t have words for it, but then he would run an experiment where they had to pick that image, still covering one eye. He had to pick that image that he showed them, let’s say show them a picture of a chicken.
And then there were three images. They could pick an image of a chicken, even a different image of a chicken from those three and correctly select that, compare that. But when he asked them to describe it, he said, yeah, I don’t know what I was looking at. I don’t know what that was. He then did another version of the experiment where he had them draw what they saw and he, he would have them draw that with the other hand. So he would put a plate in between. He would put a shade in between the two eyes. Right. And they could see with with one eye and then they could draw what they were seeing with the opposite side of their, uh, of their body. They, they weren’t looking at, you know, what they were drawing. And so they drew a, you know, chicken, let’s say we’ll continue that analogy.
Well continue that example I should say. And then he would take the, the shade away so that they could see with both eyes and he would show them what they drew and he would ask them, why did you draw a chicken? Cause of course they would say, you know, from, from what they saw visually that, that they weren’t quite sure what they were looking at. Right? But they drew at, you know, chickens who would say, why did you draw a chicken? And they would invariably give a reason that they were 100% confident of, they would say things like, well, we passed a farm on the way here today. And I saw that there were chickens outside, or I had chicken soup for dinner last night. And what he concluded after doing a number of these experiments is that the brain actually has an interpreter module, what he calls an interpreter module.
We’re going to refer to that as, um, for this episode and an end in our broader curriculum, we refer to that as the interpreter. And that makes sense of the world because the brain has all of these different parts that interpret and feel things and have these ideas. But we would go crazy if we allowed all of those parts to be disparate, to be separate. So in an effort to bring everything together to one unified narrative, the brain has an interpreter. And so the interpreter is always looking for pieces of, of evidence to stick in between the fragments of our experiences cause they connect everything together. And here’s the thing that interpreter lies it’s a** off.
It does, it comes up with crazy things that may be true or may have nothing to do with the truth. But it does that because the consequence of not doing that for us, for our brains is that we go mad. We can’t, we can’t encounter, we can’t make sense of the world around us. Think of people who experience reality that way. Dementia patients, patients with Alzheimer’s where they have lost that narrative that stitches everything together and they think that they’re back in time. You know, in one episode and then they come back to the present. You know, shortly after I had a relative that um, uh, suffered with dementia for, for years. And when you get to see this up close, you can very clearly see that it’s not just that they’re confused or that they’ve lost their, their memory or some of these experiences that may happen to all of us if, if we’re tired or if we’ve taken some kind of medication or drugs of some kind.
It’s distinctly different from that. They actually experience reality in a different way when they’re having those episodes. So the interpreter module is what prevents us from living that way, prevents all of the rest of us from living that way in our day to day function because we have different parts of our brain that are experiencing different kinds of reality, different slices of reality. I like to think of it as if you think of light waves and there’s the full spectrum of light, but we can only see one very narrow spectrum. That’s where you get things like infrared light and, and, and lasers where you can’t see the laser beam at all because it’s out of the frequency that we can actually see with our visual eyes. And the same thing is true for the different parts of the brain. Kind of, it’s the working analogy that I like to go with is the different parts of the brain can, can experience different slices of reality and the interpreter module stitches it all together in one narrative that we can make sense of.
Here’s the problem. That narrative doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with reality. It’s just one slice of reality. But if we look at a bunch of modern sculptures, you can’t see, if you’re watching the YouTube version of this, you can’t see it. It’s slightly off camera to the side here. But I have a, a modern sculpture piece that was made by a friend of mine who’s an artist. I’ll include a photo of it in the show notes and it’s, uh, and if you tilt it from different angles, it looks distinctly different from, from some angles. It looks like a horseshoe from some angles, it looks like a, it looks like, uh, a hole. It, it’s just super unique in that way. And that’s exactly how reality is for all of the rest of us. We actually interpret it differently and the resistance and the interpreter work together.
This is the funny part and there’s, there’s still a lot of gaps in the science out there. Hopefully Dr. Gazzaniga can, can help shed some light on some of this when we have him as a guest. But the resistance wants us to be safe and the interpreter wants us to make sense of our reality. And when those two parts of the brain work together, what we get is we have clients who, who challenge the new reality for exactly the kinds of results that they’re asking for. So if a client comes to you, if you’re a weight loss coach and a client comes to you and they want a nutritionist and they want to eat healthier so that they can lose weight, they want to lose weight, but the pathway for them to do that, it’s going to come in contact with their resistance. There are pieces of of them being unhealthy, even though they say that they don’t want that and there’s part of them that doesn’t want that, but when they meet that resistance, they’re going to come back to you and they’re going to lie.
They’re going to tell you that they want that. There’s something wrong with your program. They’re going to tell you that you don’t understand what’s really going on for them. They’re going to tell you that they tried it even though they didn’t. They only tried it in their mind and that it didn’t work. They’re going to tell you all of these things because that’s the interpreter trying to make sense. Sometimes that results in overt lies. And certainly different people have a different meaning of integrity and they have a different tolerance for bending the truth. But a lot of the time what causes people to want to lie is the subtle internal lies where they’ve convinced themselves of that. It’s not even that they’re lying. But suffice it to say your clients will lie to you because they will actually argue for their own limitations because those have kept them safe.
So how does this apply to the work that you do with your clients? How do you actually make use of this? Well, clients have their resistance. They bring that to everything that they do. You need to know that that’s there from the beginning and the best programs we’ve curriculum in that helps sidestep the resistance. That helps. If you’re familiar with the analogy of the, the how you boil a frog. Cause if you just put it in a pan, if you just drop it in hot water, it’ll get burned a little bit, but it’ll jump right out of the pan and then it’ll go off and, and you know, heal eventually and be fine. But the way that you boil a frog is you slowly turn the temperature up on the pot of water. Frog just thinks it’s in a sauna until it’s too late. And that’s exactly the tactic that we want to take with the resistance is we want to slowly introduce the changes to your client.
We want to give them activities to help them master and activate certain skills that don’t challenge the resistance quite yet, but just inch their way into that way of being. So how does the resistance show up? Like everything, there’s a range of human behavior that’s at play here. The most unhealthy clients will lash out at you. I’ve literally seen emails from clients of ours where their clients have accused them of scamming them, cheating them, let the, the, even something as severe as abusing them. Which is really serious, but when you understand that that’s not actually the truth, that’s just how that client feels and it is their resistance and their interpreter needing that to be there to justify how they’re feeling. You can then tackle that in a much more appropriate way than either accepting their reality or just lashing right back out at them, which unfortunately we’ve, we’ve seen coaches, consultants, service providers do when they’re faced with that kind of an extreme client reaction on the other end of the continuum of human behavior.
What you’ll get is the healthiest clients will naturally pace themselves and you may hear a client say, I’m working on this. I’m, I didn’t do everything you wanted me to do, but that’s cause I’m having to pace myself as I work through this. And that’s a healthy approach that’s healthy for the client to not tend to not blame you for that, to not want extra help or support or show up in a disempowered way that steals all of your resources. It is a healthy way of them saying, this is the kind of growth that I know I can handle right now. You can feel free to ask them questions. When you find that you can dig deeper at at why is that going on for you and what does that look like and you can certainly explore some of that and that’s healthy to explore some of that to to see where they might be making it harder for themselves, but that’s the healthier end of the spectrum.
What you find is that there’s a whole range of clients that you’ll get who are in the middle of that range. This is a whole, we hold continuum of client behavior that’s going to exist there, but what you want to do more than anything else, the most important leadership skill that’s at play here is what we like to call the stance of strength. When you could stand in the strength of your values, of the values that helped you create the program that’s there and it could be values like, there’s no reason for people to live in scarcity. It could be values that say this can be solved with systems, one of our values. There can be values that set another one of our values. This can, you must always respect and honor your client even when you have to give them tough love. When you stand in the strength of these values, nothing your client says, no matter how off the wall, how bananas it happens to be, no matter what your client says, will that throw you off?
Cause you’re in the stance of strength. There’s nothing that the client can do to get somebody whose feet are firmly planted in the stance of strength to get them to deny what they know is true and what they know is possible. And that’s how you lead your clients out of those tricky spots where their resistance has them backed into a corner. That’s how you meet that and you say, no, this is not the truth. If it’s your truth, that’s fine, but we’re going to be standing over here in the truth waiting for you to be ready and here are the financial realities around that. Here’s what you’re going to have to do if you want to feed into your own resistance, we’re not going to enable you, so here’s the financial reality around that. Here’s what you’re going to have to do, or at the very least, here’s how we’re not going to enable or compensate for your indulging the resistance. When you get that right, you change client’s lives. When you get that right, clients call you up. I just had a call with a client earlier this week who said, I can’t tell you how much you’ve changed my entire perception of my business this year.
Those are the kinds of testimonials that your clients give you when you’re willing to stand in that stance, in that stance of strength and be unmovable in what you know is possible for them and right for them.
I hope this has been helpful. As always, check out the show notes at clientwhisperer.show. This is episode eight so slash eight clientwhisperer.show/8 for you to get all of the show notes. Show notes are also in your pod catcher of choice. Just click over to that tab or swipe over to where those show notes are, and you can click to see this on YouTube. Make sure to hit subscribe, so appreciate it. Catch you on the next episode. Have a great weekend.